Sea salt?

What th’ heck is sea salt? I know. I know. It’s that stuff in the ocean that fills up your nose when you go under the waves, but what th’ heck is it doing on peanuts?

I just wanted peanuts. A can of peanuts. I didn’t want cashews. I didn’t want mixed nuts. You know how those cans of mixed nuts have all those big dark nuts you push away to get to the good ones. Those big ones are totally tasteless. When you get to the bottom of the can there are twenty-three of them staring up at you. Maybe you like them. Not me.

I walked past the cashews to the dry roasted peanuts – makes my throat dry just to think of them. I walked past the butter toffee nuts and the honey roasted nuts to the party mixes. I just wanted peanuts and at the end of the row, I found them.

Cocktail peanuts I think they call them. Skip the cocktail, I just want the peanuts. Love to munch on them while I read, watch the Padres, enjoy my evening at home. Standing in the grocery aisle within reach of the peanuts, visions of me sitting in front of the TV, the Padres winning three-oh and me popping peanuts floated through my mind. I took a can and tossed it into my grocery cart.

And took it right out. “Lightly Salted.” How did I miss that? You know how “lightly salted” peanuts are. No taste. And besides, peanuts are s’posed to make you thirsty so you can go out to the kitchen for a drink and then eat some more peanuts.

I’d been a whole week without peanuts. If I didn’t find some plain ol’ salted peanuts I’d end up snacking on ice cream bars and cookies and all that unhealthy stuff. At least the peanuts give me protein. I know. If you know me, you know I eat all that other stuff anyway. But at least the peanuts keep me from over-doing it.

Finally I found them. The right ones. You could tell by the picture. Wait – what’s this? SEA SALTED? What’s that? I’ve never seen SEA SALT on anything, have you? Well, you know the only reason they’d blast it out on the can like that is ’cause someone somewhere must’ve decided sea salt is healthier than regular salt.

I refused to read the label. I did not want to know the reasons someone decided that sea salt is healthy. We already know everyone’s more relaxed in the water. Does that mean sea salt will lower your blood pressure? I wasn’t about to find out. I wanted my salted peanuts like they always were before. I went home peanut-less that day. 

Last weekend I had to pick up some groceries at Vons for Dad. As I tripped down the aisles it occurred to me that whoa! Vons would have peanuts. 

Sure enough, Vons had peanuts. Cashews, honey roasted peanuts, butter toffee peanuts, mixed nuts, lightly salted peanuts and SEA SALTED peanuts. No just plain peanuts.

I was getting desperate now. I even started wondering if sea salted peanuts might taste all right. But all I could think of was the taste of sea salt in my nose in the ocean and although that isn’t a bad taste, it’s a bit brinier than I think I’d like on my peanuts. I went home peanut-less again.

How about you? Have you had any of those sea salted peanuts? Are they any good? Better yet – does anyone know where I can find regular salted peanuts? Text me if you do – at 619/997-5679. I’ll even share them with you, if you like a good ball game now and then.